Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
