I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
