You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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