she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
