I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
