Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the room spins SO much faster in panama
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
