You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
