I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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