While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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