why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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