just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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