I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Couch. On fire.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
