im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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