Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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