so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
