I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
