so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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