I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
