Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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