The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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