She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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