no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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