Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
