How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize