i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
