From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
