If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vagina is talking i cant
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
