I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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