Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
