Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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