he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
