If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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