What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
