i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
