Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
