why didn't you poke me back
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
