Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
