Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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