I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
