I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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