well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
