So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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