I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
