It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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