somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
