I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
