no, he came in my armpit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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