dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
