god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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