We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize