I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
