just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
