Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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