I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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