Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
