yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
