the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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