This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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