If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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