Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
love makes seman taste better
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
