So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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