Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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