return my video game
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
