She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
cat food counts as protein by the way
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
