At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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