think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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