a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
