Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
