I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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