I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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