Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
