No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
