Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
